The last row in the movies theater, or maybe the bathroom. The coat closet aboard the Bateaux NY, or the back patio of Mario’s Pizzeria on 86th and Madison. Possibly the bookstore on 13th & union square, and if you were risky, the Natural History Museum. If you haven’t noticed, I am naming all the places you have either had or thought of having sex. To which is only natural, we cannot help where we think about our desires, and god almighty- I wouldn’t want you to. I’ve grown to come to terms with not judging anyone, only studying by sight or sound, which is exactly what I intended to do when my friend called to tell me about his recent escapade in theater 9 in Kips Bay AMC.
Someone who asked to remain nameless, but wished to express his story. We’ll call him “Tea”.
This was the typical NY tale of a nude exhibitionist, you meet a guy, you date for a while- before you know it- he sticks his hands down your pants in the middle of Ghostbusters and your underwear is lying next to a tray of nachos. Weirdly enough, without even thinking, you’re making love in the back of the theater as opposed to watching the film and sadly but routinely, he doesn’t actually call you back for the sequel, and if he does- who buys the tickets to the trilogy?
However, it was the thrill, wasn’t it? To say, I did it, I had sex in public, I got away with it, and I walked away unharmed- heart and all… Or did I?
The Art of the Busters
Tonight was none other than the quietest that I’ve had in awhile, due to my job coming to a slow halt, I got more time to hang with more friends that I had been ignoring. In the most subdue parts of Rosedale, five single friends played a drunken game of Uno, expressing their innermost hates, dislikes and addicting affiliations with homosexual men and women. Joseph, a wealthy artist, and writer- in his mid-twenties, although his family supported him for some time- he chose to take his life into his own reign- and has become quite profitable in doing so. Ashlee and Genesis were also leaders in their own right, both the head of supervision in some department store on 5th Ave, alike to Joseph, they were in their middle twenties, and inspired me more than anyone.
“Would you ever have sex in the movies?” My friend, Tea, asked the question around the table, I laughed slightly because I was the only one who knew of his incident. Everyone shook their head ‘No’ besides Genesis, she just kept her head down at her cards.
“You might as well tell them. You done let out a can of ghost and they are spilling all over Genesis’ floors.”
“You didn’t!” Ashlee knew he had, she was not shocked at all, in fact, she literally told me that something like this would happen not too long ago, which only made me laugh again. “What movie?!”
“‘Ghostbusters’” I sang.
“How was it?” Ashlee squealed, “How long was it?” She pressed on, placing her beer down so it wouldn’t spill off the brim.
“Quick.” Tea replied.
“Like, because you were rushing ’cause the movie was going to be over soon?” Genesis questioned on- her voice took a high pitch tone, making me almost choke on my Modelo.
“I don’t know-“
“Yolo,” Joseph shouted, but Tea wasn’t giving the same upbeat tempo like the hit pop song by Drake. It was more like Since You Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson.
“Well, did you have sex with him in a bed before?” Tea looked down before going to answer Ashlee, but he couldn’t. “Okay, so tell me this, when did he- you know… cum?” My friend buried his face in his hands, symbolically passing the mic to me because all my three of my friends looked in my direction. I continued on the same song as I sang before.
“‘Who you gonna call?’”
“No, he didn’t!”
Tea looked up from his hands, shaking his head towards the sky. “GhostBUSTERS.”
The Undertaker, and the people who watch
“Outdoor sex is the new black, people do it whether they are single or with their partners, it’s just fun.” Shane, an over eccentric free spirit that found no flaws in anything that poured from his mouth; I kept him around for his bare honest. Much to like why I kept Taraji around. They gave me the tea, no sugar and very bitter, not the way I liked, but the only true way to really enjoy a cup of tea. “My daddy can get it wherever he asks for it, not because I’m a hoe or anything. We just have the same freaky ways. Before I even say anything, he got his hands on me. Even in church.”
“Woah, Shane,” I replied. Even I knew that was a tad bit of dangerous territory.
“It’s him! Not me. Listen, anyway. Everyone does it, you know how many employees fuck their boss at work? How many girls bend over their teacher’s desk for that A, or guys for that matter? Be worried about the people who do it for nothing.”
“Some do it because they like the person.” Taraji huffed his breath and I knew from that line, he had suffered the same fate as my other friend, Tea. He popped his public indecency cherry for the wrong guy.
After twenty minutes of begging, he finally opened up about his tale. “It’s not much to tell, honestly. We were in my car, not too far from Ms.45, next to route 185, and we were just talking. I think I called him ‘Baby dick’, and he grabbed my head and forced it down in his crotch- he was already hard, so it was hard to fight him.” He smirked at us both.
“I doubt you even gave a try.” I smacked his arm.
“Wait,” Shane interrupted, and Tyriq looked anywhere but our faces. “Route 185 curls around the school but goes straight into the path of the graveyard, Ty- I did some shit in my past, but sis,” Shane burst out in hysterical laughter.
“Well, no one was going to see us!” He shot back.
“Well yeah, no one alive at least!”
It’s confirmed, Rule Number One to Public Sex: Only have sex where the living won’t be able to see you.
In the midst of shaking margaritas and several orders of Rum Punch, Melina stood off to the side of the bar, her smile broad while waiting for a bartender to be done with the drinks on her ticket.
In fact, I believe I was probably the bartender on her ticket, mainly because when I dropped down the last Mai Tai, she pulled me off to the side to tell me about her magical fifteen minutes in a forbidden room at our job. I wasn’t surprised she had managed to get inside the room, though- I was surprised she had managed to do it while still paying attention to her tables- a true MVP server if I don’t say so myself.
The vivid descriptions she felt necessary to lay out for me, implying extra emphasis on how the waves of the Hudson River amplified his stamina, and how boring she felt he would’ve been without the good graces of the Ursula, the sea witch, creating wave after wave.
“Weren’t you afraid you were going to get caught?” I asked, now looking at the overflowing tickets on the bar floor, I couldn’t help it- the story was too juicy.
“Best part, we left everything unlocked- it was just a very chill day. I liked every bit of it. Now all I have to do is make money now.”
“It’s almost like prostituting, but you don’t have to feel so dirty because you didn’t have sex with your guest- you had sex with a hot guy. Kudos baby, Kudos.”
A word from the wise
Later that night, I thought more about having sex in public places, I also thought of the thrill of not getting caught- or even more- the thrill of getting caught. It seems so many people in New York felt some sense of pride about their body and the way it looked- they held the utmost confidence enough to say ‘Let’s do this here and now, no matter the stakes’. It was admiration, if not insightful, on the risk factor one can put in one tiny word; Yolo.
But what happened to those who didn’t relish in the pleasure of a public one-night stand? I wanted to call my grandmother and speak to her (she’s hip lol)- get some insight on how everyone was able to be so fluid about public sex in her time and actually manage to settle down to create another generation after.
However, at the hour- she might be either watching her stories or sleeping, so I settled for a morning inspirational text sent from her last week, this one sent in attempts to make me not give up on love I’m assuming. “They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other.”
Honestly, if you feel as though you really like this boy and he may be they one, go for it, POP THAT PUBLIC CHERRY! However, if you have any doubt that this boy is just going to put his hand down your pants so he can get a ten-minute blow job, and all he has done is paid for a fifteen dollar movie ticket and the smallest bag of popcorn.
Respectfully decline his offer.
Just ultimately ask yourself before engaging in movie sex, will I get cheese stains on my pants? OR, are there cameras in this bank? OR, is some little kid going to walk into the bathroom and hear me moaning?
If any of these questions gives you a jolt of fear, back away hastily from the boy & run to the nearest church… Just don’t be like Shane and have sex in the choir room.