The stars seemed to be in a rupture this week, everything we thought we knew- even the things we conformed to as to making mundane sense to us all… It was most likely all just a lie.
It was a shame, how much power we will give over to a man, whether we are our female counterparts, or the man himself.
A chaotic week of mending hearts back to where they should’ve been, seven days of unforetold events, three relationships shattered in the span of one hundred and sixty-eight hours.
We all had our tricks, our little secret to getting him back into our pocket, one last option up your sleeve- but what happens when he throws someone else into the fold, and your place is now filled? Possibly with another female, possibly another male- maybe even a fiance…
This week, I couldn’t help but wonder, why were we so replaceable?
Social Media Can Be Troubling When You’re Not Social
“I am so sick of this guy!” My friend, Ron, yelled over launching clothes around his room, I picked up the shirts that fell to the floor. He was going through another battle with his on again/ off again boyfriend, Isaac, and was purging everything he had brought for him. They had been seeing each other for years, but recently departed because they wanted to ‘grow more’.
Whatever that meant.
“He makes me think there is no us, makes me believe we are nothing- leaves for a whole month without saying anything, and then shows up out of the blue? How does that even work!?”
“I don’t think it does. Are you sure you want to get rid of this stuff? It still has tags-” A cashmere violet poncho fell at my feet- basically begging for me to take him home with me. I glanced up at him, my puppy dogs eyes gleaming to the stars, he waved his hand at me.
“Take it, I remember when he got it for me- just take it.”
“Can you at least tell me what the problem is now?” I asked while stuffed the sweater into my bag, trying my best to seem empathetic now.
“He was seeing someone else in that month- I know it. I know him.”
“You guys have gone years without talking before, how can you tell from a month?”
“It’s hard to explain, but you just know. When he is talking to someone, the Instagram likes stop, the Facebook likes are not as constant, and the ‘Are you good?’ messages cease to exist- and then they randomly pop up again at the end of the month?” He looked at me with eyes full of premeditated depression, I could tell this was something he had pondering on his mind for some time, something that was going to take more than the casual ‘It’s okay’.
“But obviously it didn’t work out… Obviously, he wants to be with you-“
“But for how long?” Ron asked, not really me, but I think to himself. “We swear this life will come, I want it to… But when it finally does, and I give myself to him completely… Will he give himself to me?”
A FaceTime Full of Tears
After a glorious night of shopping at Closet Du Ron, I received a FaceTime call from my best friend, Yaya. As soon as I picked up the call, I noticed her eyes were puffier than usual, and her hair was not at its best- given she was a cosmetologist, you could see the alarm.
“I need a friend.”
Turning two corners and making a few rights, I was in front of 472 waiting for her to come down the stairs.
It appeared that Ron’s on again/ off again boyfriend wasn’t the only one setting their sore eyes on something new-
“I called him and he just started yelling at me, kept saying I call him for nothing, I CALL HIM TO TALK, THAT’S WHAT THE FUCK YOU DO ON THE PHONE!”
“Calm down, girl. Continue.”
“I knew that wasn’t the problem, me calling. He’s just been acting strange, not really answering my calls, then he was like blocking me from seeing his texts,” The shadow of tears formed on her eyelids, “I know he’s talking to another girl, and he’s not denying it.”
“Wait- so he hasn’t even said yes?”
“That part doesn’t matter!” She drew back a couple of sniffles, I reached into the pocket of my bomber jacket trying to retrieve tissue. She used her sleeve instead. “When a girl loves you, lets it be known, and she asks you if there is another girl- you let her know if there is another girl! No exceptions.”
A Vow of Silence
I have this friend, we called him Tommy, then Dill, but always settled on Chucky. He was a New York City stylist and worked in Visual Merchandising for some clothing company- possibly Topshop, possibly Saks Fifth Ave. His profession isn’t really the primary focus now.
Chucky had been seeing this older man for a while, it was no surprise- we all knew he liked older men, but this one had an indigenous mysterious flare to him. Everything was so profound, almost like he told you everything about him- but you knew deep down he had a hidden vulture far in his mitts.
Nevertheless, my friend proclaimed that he was happy for the seven to eight duration of their relationship, they were a unit, even got tested as dates. Possibly the smartest move you could make as a gay man.
However, anyone who extensively expresses his love for me and only me would probably be a good perspective in my eye… Well, until a family reunion or his birthday comes around.
I had been sleeping the entire day, it was one of my only off days from both of my jobs, so yes, I chose to sleep in for the whole day– as anyone knows- the problem with this is the involuntary insomnia syndrome. Luckily, I picked the right day!
Promptly at 5:30 am, Chucky had called me, clearly not crying now- but the imprint was horse in his tone.
It was his boyfriend’s birthday- he was calling his phone, which led straight to his voicemail, he tried messaging him on Instagram… But it was mysteriously blocked. He held no deeper connotation, instead- he sent a message on Snapchat, just asking him what the problem was.
‘I’m not sure, that’s weird. I don’t know why it’s doing that, babe.’
Giving my friend’s next actions, it is probably safe to change his name from Chucky to Inspector Gadget.
Furthering his investigation, he found out the exact reason his ‘boyfriend‘ wasn’t answering, probably because he was with his fiance.
I cannot divulge specifics, possibly because it will be leaving evidence to a crime scene lol, what I can tell you is that my friend referenced his emotions to ‘Piper Halliwell blowing up her first demon after losing Prue’.
Quite frankly, we didn’t even need the specifics- just the outline.
This was a man promising the same life to two different people, one with a ring and one without one- but who’s to really tell who was actually going to be walking down the aisle.
Yes, we held the ring, we probably even held the title. But did we hold the man?
It’s Harder To Start Over
I was enraged by what my friend had been through! Like, how dare that scumbag! I’m sure everyone reading this would find it repulsive. But, there were some people that didn’t quite get offended by the repulsive nature, or if they did- they had a strange way of showing it.
My cousin, Tabitha- we call her Tabby, she was involved with a man for more than ten years. Within their relationship, he has been to birthday parties, barbecues, vacations, but never family reunions.
Last year, someone in the family practically begged him to come, volunteered to pay for gas and everything- and he obliged, however- he didn’t come alone.
Here is where you would think I would be saying the woman was standing at five feet, beautiful swimmer’s legs, voluptuous pink lips and gorgeous hair flowing to the nape of her behind.
Instead, was his son… His three-year-old son.
All the elderly woman gasped while clutching their pearls, I believe I even did the same.
This was more scandalous than bringing the baby momma.
Later that night, all the other cousins seemed to have her on edge with questions and interrogation tactics, asking how exactly could she have kept this a secret, asking how he’d kept it a secret, I even wondered as well, but it was none of my business- no matter how much I wanted it to be.
Undoubtedly, she quiets them all up with one sentence, “Did I judge any of you when your men were beating you? Or had you strung out on drugs? No- I supported you, why can’t you do the same for me? He made a mistake and he has shown me he is sorry- let it go.”
And with that, she walked out.
When grabbing our coats when exiting, my sister had asked my mother why our cousin had stayed around after her boyfriend hurt her by having a baby with another woman, and the question seemed to puzzle even her, but after a moment she settled on something, “Sometimes, a woman my age might find it harder to go back out there and start again, not saying Tabby is anywhere close to my age, well maybe she is. But it’s hard, honey. To start over and find another good one. Her situation is hard, I’ll pray for her.”
Did we have one? A place, I mean… Was there a definite factor in someone’s life that gave you the reason to believe you were going to be there forever? I mean, unless you were dating like your cousin or your brother, lol. But then, I don’t think this blog is what you were looking for.
But on a serious note, besides from a ring- was there anything that guaranteed automatic lifetime warranty? Because as we could see, not even a ring would cut it.
We all fall in love with the notion of ‘Forever’, even I did- but I always and still question, does it even exist?
It seems like scientific fact to know that men have wandering eyes, even when in a relationship. In a few of my past relationships, we would even agree on someone who was attractive. It was just that cordial to our relationship- never keep secrets when it comes to other men…
As said before, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering why we were all so replaceable, but it kind of changed while writing this post; what the hell gave them the right to treat us like we were replaceable?- and furthermore, why did we all hold a different compassion for the result of being traded up?
Here you had two men who were severely angered by the mere thought of their boyfriend’s entering someone else- revengeful images dancing through their mind, and then we had a woman who stood up for a man who had a baby with another woman throughout their ten-year relationship.
Your situation could be like Ron’s, or Tabby’s, or even Chucky’s- The ONLY thing I am giving you towards a hint of advice is, no one deserves to be in the dark about the person you love, especially when the relationship has passed the course of six months, by then- you should have indefinite confirmation on where you stand, and if it revolves around years, you should know the man you are in love with enough to see the signs and put a stop to it right then and there.
When all else fails, wear your heart on your cheek, never your sleeve & leave before you are left.